Earl's Pearls

Your Chicago Tax Dollars at Work.

A woman took her dog for a walk. She did not have a leash on the dog. That's a citation and a fine. So far no problem. Ticket her ass and send her packing.

The woman didn't have her wallet and ID on her. Just keys. Afterall she went to walk the dog, not rent a car.

So the Cop(s) haul(s) her in. Then she spent 8 hours at the station or in the lockup.

How many cop hours were wasted on a woman walking a dog without a leash?

I'm figuring at least 2 hours for taking her in and booking her. Another 4 hours of processing and supervision.

Priorities Officers. You fucking moronic dickwads.

Is it just me, or do you get the nagging feeling when you pay your cab driver that you're funding Al Qada?

The Last Roundup

The Feds nailed a ton of wiseguys here in Chicago yesterday.

What I love about the wiseguys is the nicknames. My favorite is Joey "the clown" Lombardo. The Clown is in hiding apparently as the Feds didn't find him when the swooped. Another guy is named "No Nose". You can't make this stuff up.

Since I'm making fun of Joey The Clown Lombardo, it's probably best that I go into hiding too.

I'll write again from my witness protection spot.

Who says the government and the military do not find ways to be cost effective?

China is the growing menace as they continue to become an industrial and military power. It would cost trillions in dollars and millions in lives to use the US military on China. So we're contracting out the operation. Finally some privitization of a government function.

Altria is going to provide Marloboros to the Chinese with Marlboros. Killing the enemy while making a profit.

THAT is the Mercan way. What a country.

GET A FUCKING LIFE!!!
We start a new feature in our little universe today as titled above.

People are already camped out for the next edition of Star Wars which doesn't open until May 19th.

"Wow" you say. "Camping out for a month to see a movie is pretty fucking lifeless. What could be more stupid than that?"

I'm glad you asked. The lifeless losers are camped out at Grauman's Chinese Theatre which isn't even scheduled to screen the film.

To recap; Stopping your life for a month to watch, not a live event but a movie that will run a jillion times and waiting for it at a place where it might not even be shown.

The only thing more stupid would be camping out for Cub world series tickets and doing it at Dodger Stadium. At least the Star Wars movie is an event that will occur.

The Feel Good Story of the Year.

6 elephants from a children's zoo in Seoul got loose and went on a shopping spree in the streets.

"Honey, I'm gonna be home late. 2 pachyderms have me trapped here."

# posted by Jay @ 4:35 PM 0 Comments

I'm sure he won the Wednesday Vote.

John Kerry complained that Republicans sent out fliers to Democrats telling them to vote on Wednesday.

“Leaflets are handed out saying Democrats vote on Wednesday, Republicans vote on Tuesday. People are told in telephone calls that if you’ve ever had a parking ticket, you’re not allowed to vote,” he said.

I'm not sure who's more stupid. Kerry or the people, if there were any, who actually fell for a leaflet like that.

I guess what Kerry's saying is, Democrats are too stupid to vote on the right day.

I'm throwing my pointy hat in for Pope.

If elected I promise to pimp that popemobile into the most tricked out ride in Vatican history.

Amongst my other qualifications, poverty and chastity. I've been both for about 2 months.

Earl for Pope. If not now when?